For the Love Of a Burger

By Sad Man’s Tongue

I love burgers! Actually I love food in general. But there is something special about a burger. Maybe it is just the way I was brought up, as an American, where burgers are part of every day life, picnics, parties, or an outdoor BBQ. You name it, the burger is almost everywhere in America. I have fond memories of my little league coach taking the whole team, after we had won of course, to celebrate at any number of burger joints.

It can be as simple as throwing a piece of cheese on it with some raw onion and ketchup. It can be as gourmet as using carmelized onions with red wine and pan fried cheddar, or it can be whatever you can dream about. From mom’s fridge to the Waldorf Astoria Hotel and everything in between, In America they are everywhere and can be as different as a snow flake.

One of the things I have noticed here in Prague, with much amusement, is watching how some people eat their burgers.   Some just don’t know what to do. It is like watching someone eat lobster for the first time. Take the burger set for example. That is the Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, and pickles we place on the side of the plate, for those of you who don’t know what a burger set is. For those not in the know, you are supposed to place the burger set on your burger. Yet I have seen quite a few people think it is just a garnish, some people think it is a side salad and eat it with a fork, while others just don’t know what to do with it. Let me help you. Remove the top bun from your burger, pick up the burger set and place it on top of the burger, and put the top of the bun on top of the burger set to complete the master piece.

That leads us to the second problem. Watching people trying to figure out how to get the burger in their mouth. Not a problem for me as I am a paid professional and expert. But lets face it. When your use to burgers such as the ones offered at McDonald’s, wich are smaller than the kids burgers at a Hard Rock Cafe, thier full-sized burgers with all the fixin’s can be a little daunting. Just like my first deli sandwich in New York City, but trust me, it can be done. Yet so many people are so intimidated by the size and complexity that they resort to using a fork and knife to eat their burger. Never in my life have I ever used a fork and knife, at least not for a burger, but I assure you I do use a fork for pasta.

I can see the amazement in some people’s eyes as I pick up my burger and take a proper bite out of it without blinking an eye. Usually by the time I have finished, others are still trying to figure out what to do with the burger set while their burger gets cold.

Let me help you out……again. Pick up your burger with two hands, with your fingers pressing down on the bun from the top which will help lower the height of the burger. Tilt your burger on an angle as it approaches your moth and rest the bottom part of the burger upon your lower teeth. Don’t try to wrap your whole mouth around it and break your jaw. As it hits your lower teeth push down with top fingers so that you get a lower bite into the bottom of the bun, decreasing the height to enter your mouth once more. Then tilt the burger up so that the top part of the burger hits your upper teeth, push in a little bit and bite down. Can you say, “Mommy, look, I did it by myself!”

Here is a simplified version. Just pick it up and start shoving. Eventually your instincts will guide you and Darwinian Fitness will kick in. While I have had many years of experience, please do this at home!

No matter how you bite it, lets face it, there is no wrong way. Eat your burgers however you want and don’t be afraid to have a little ketchup fall out or be dripping from your mouth, there are knapkins for such emergencies and perhaps I will give a lesson on their use next time

This entry was posted in Bars, Bistros, Food, Pin Up Girls, Prague, Recipes, Restaurants, Rock n Roll, Rockabilly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to For the Love Of a Burger

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.